Family dynamics that play out in the workplace
I’ve noticed that whenever we are in the run up to Christmas, there is a slew of articles and advice on how to cope with family dynamics over the festive period. What’s interesting is that people tend not to be conscious of how these same family dynamics impact our workplaces and our professional lives.
Many years ago, while struggling with a particularly difficult working relationship, my own coach posed a question that initially baffled me: when had I found myself in a similar dynamic before, and who in my family did this person represent? At first, I dismissed the relevance—how could my family relationships affect my professional interactions? But as I reflected deeper, I had a startling realisation. I could suddenly see where the pattern had originated in my family dynamics, even though I had been completely unaware of it until that moment.
Now, after years of studying family systems and a host of other related areas, I see these patterns playing out all around me. I understand the 'why' behind the 'what'. Consider a leader who treats customers with care and charm but behaves differently towards their team behind closed office doors, (whether physical or virtual). This discrepancy in behaviour often mirrors family dynamics, where different roles and expectations are internalised from an early age.
Examples of Family Dynamics at Work
The Parent-Child Dynamic: You might find a manager who unknowingly adopts a parental role, offering excessive guidance and oversight, which can stifle creativity and independence among team members. This often reflects a person’s upbringing in a highly controlled environment.
Sibling Rivalry: Co-workers competing for recognition and promotions can mirror sibling rivalry. This competition might stem from childhood experiences of fighting for attention or validation within the family.
The Peacemaker: Someone who always tries to smooth over conflicts at work may have played a similar role in their family, constantly mediating disputes between other family members.
Understanding and Addressing These Dynamics
To navigate these dynamics effectively, it’s crucial to become aware of them and understand their origins. Here are some practical steps:
Reflect on Your Relationships: Take time to reflect on your relationships both in and out of work. Are there parallels between how you relate to colleagues and to family members? Understanding these can help you see why you might react a certain way in workplace conflicts.
Seek Feedback: Sometimes, it’s hard to see the patterns we’re enmeshed in without an outside perspective. Ask trusted colleagues for feedback on your interaction styles and be open to what they share.
Set Boundaries: Just as in healthy family relationships, setting clear boundaries at work is vital. Define what is acceptable behaviour and what isn’t and communicate these boundaries respectfully to your team.
Professional Development: Engage in training that focuses on emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills. These programmes can help you recognise and alter entrenched behaviours that may be affecting your professional relationships.
Consider Coaching or Therapy: If family dynamics at work are significantly impacting your professional life, consider seeking the help of a coach or therapist. They can offer tools and strategies to help you understand and change these patterns.
Understanding the influence of family dynamics in the workplace can lead to profound personal and professional growth. By becoming conscious of these patterns, we can foster healthier, more effective working relationships that not only improve our well-being but also enhance our team's performance. That means a lot more vibrancy all round!
